November no vember

Veganism is gentle and genuine. It is a joy to join all the planet’s sentient inhabitants in sane sustained balance. Kind of the opposite of freneticism.

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Veganism is also confrontational and anarchal. It is living gently with the carnivorous and the omnivorous.

But remember in November not to vember. Defined by the Urban Dictionary as an adrenaline rush, something that makes you nervous, neurotic, up-tight,etc.

In other words — an antonym for veganism

 

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BILL, tell me that you are not going to go there, where there equals a goofy-ass word like VEMBER.

Well I do like “v” words and I hadn’t heard of the word ‘vember’ before today. Anyway it fits well with this post’s title, or something.

What is sacrosanct? Answer: Norman Rockwell. Mom, pumpkin pie. It’s a warm up for Super Bowl Sunday. The day of Thanksgiving in this chunk of the world heralds an overdose of all things Rockwell. I prefer a warm hearth fire without football, Butterball hotlines and other heart-cooling and discomfiting suggestions that darken my day, so no white meat and no dark meat, s’il vous plait.

 

vegan-street-blogB  I  L  L , that’s another place we don’t want you to revisit for the 92nd time, so listen: meat means meals, meat means mom’s meals. And you don’t seem to mind sending the unemployment rate to 92% and my blood pressure to a hundred and 92. Do You!

I knew a guy who ate porcine vigorously, salivating at every tooth grind. But not before he gave a silent “thank you, kind sir” to the pig who gave its life for his palate.

Yeah, but we only “pig out” on Thanksgiving (see N. Rockwell). The following day we enjoy Black Friday and EAT MEAT at the All You Can Savage buffet, the one with the never-ending snow crab legs.

We’re always tired after Turkey Day’s  G-rated cooking. By the way, did I mention that Black Thursday means a paycheck for dad?

And you don’t mind if we have the last word, do you Bill?

wv-thanksgiving

 

 

Veganism 102: Think Outside the Asylum

According to a highly anonymous source the holiday season begins with monster-sized sales of Halloween junk food or junk ephemera. It peaks on Super Bowl Sunday to celebrate the nation’s Gross Decadent Product — it’s gross, it’s decadent, it’s a product.

Marketing term of the day: Bold Challenge: the perfect balance between perfidy and truth. Get away with whatever you can, whenever you can, whatever the stretch. Gain advantage. Think bottom line. Think Glengarry Glen Ross.

 

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Meat is Violence

Well Bill, let me explain the game of American football. The NFL is life. In college I learned that football programs fund universities. Sports medicine is the sugar that keeps the doctor away. Concussions: a money-making bold challenge for research grant seekers. Research dollars flow to research grant holders. Jobs is jobs is jobs. Now that is a bold challenge. It’s where the smart money gravitates. Live with it.

What to do with all that depleted uranium? Proclaim it a natural resource. Naturally it’s a resource, one discovered by Americans for Americans in America. Does that star-spangled banner still wave?

What’s next? Well, in daydreams I fancy myself a broadcaster working for the sports at Fox.

What inspired that Bill?

Well, I read that math and science is superfluous for science reporters at Fox News (the balanced and the fair). One Fox science reporter majored in wrestling.

And so, my awe-inspiring paucity of sports knowledge qualifies me eminently. Bill Ziegler, sports expert for Fox Sports (or whatever it’s called).

Do I digress, or what?

Veganism is not even recognized in the WordPress dictionary of spellings. It’s simply not in the database. What gives?  That’s my question. Veganism reduces madness on befouled planets. Not a bad idea. Really. Think outside the asylum.

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Vote Big Coal Kentucky! Revive depleted uranium for military vehicles racing through the Middle East. Weapons proudly labelled “Made in the USA” and protected by the Second Amendment.

Mad in the USA.

 

Speaking of the sports metaphor, are they hiring at the white phosphorous plant up in Chemical Valley? The Charleston River flows into the Ohio River. They call it the chemical capital of the world. It’s in West Virginia, where the jobs aren’t. American jobs not already stolen by Indians in India or Indian-giving (tongue-in-cheek) Indians in North America.

Union Carbide once operated a plant in Bhopal India…

Look Bill. Get real and get with the program. ’nuff said?

Hey Bill, aluminum cans are flimsy, not like the steel ones we made right here in these States of the United. But do you know what’s not flimsy: beer cans tempered with depleted uranium. We have a lot of this raw material. It’s a resource, naturally enough.

 

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The Graduate-level advice in two words: depleted uranium.

Thanks for reading.