The Meat Investor: Serving Man

The year in review

Livestock stocks ended the year strong as the present and futures markets overwhelmingly outperformed vegan stocks to bring a hefty profit to all our investors. “Serving Man” remains out motto for 2019, it affirms a self-serving stance that is forward-looking and alert to market opportunism.

The meat of the matter is making and marketing meat — the profitable products obtained from the slaughter of nonhuman animals — and finding more ways to counter the criminal activities of animal-rights lunatics that make our job more difficult. These threats range from legally preventing animal-rights protesters from gathering at markets to keeping a lid on anti-meat vested interests in the media. We must counter insipid insistence on truth-in-advertising, it hampers our efforts. Eternal vigilance is our sacred vow. Our guiding principle — separation of meat and animal — is a social contract that has kept meat-keeping successful for many generations.

To Serve Man

On the good-news side, ever more creative and diversional ways help keep the social contract of deception alive, well, and thriving. We are promoting a “Chikens protesting Kows” campaign to protect our bovine-blood lover markets as a balancing measure within the meat sector. Of course, we are continuing to bulwark the processed bird distributors in their efforts. Opportunists find themselves in a win-win circumstance, fevered fervor healthens all bottom lines.

On the production side, we witness a record number of calls to the death camps for more body parts and body byproducts. Dead animals are getting snapped up in the supermarket at an extraordinary rate, but the death mills are still able to keep up with those snappings.

Once again, turkeys flocked to the extermination camps to assure body-counts sufficient to sate demand for Rockwellian Thankfulness. More than a few smart shoppers took advantage of super carload lots of corpses-sans-heads to grace holiday tables on Turkey day. Benjamin Franklin would have been proud to know that his Grade-A choice for the national bird would find a way into the stomachs of the Americans who honor patriotic fervor, fanfare and fulsomeness.

Our commitment to dollars über alles maintains product issuing from our many wholesome death chambers. Participation by workers without papers help assure that warm bodies be recruited to work the dead bodies along the carcass hook lines. Our mission is to sate family expectations where it counts: at the checkout line.

Temporary workers without papers are silent partners who generously manned the death stations this year. Public shrugs have been many, they are helpful and they are much appreciated. We also thank those huddled masses for manning stations despite faster carcass production times. All who benefit from significantly higher kills per hour will find a bonus check available in mid-February, bonus amount depending on the number of processed byproducts consumed during the Super Bowl — increased product available in November and saved for the Big Game in February might otherwise find inadequate consumption in the school lunch lines that accept our lower-grade carcasses. Death means dividends for all that decaying flesh you have frozen since Black Friday.

Unpapered Workers in a Slaughterhouse

Remember that climate change offers unexpected opportunity — stockpiling is as traditional as drive-through backups for Big Macs. So stockpile for more than snow emergencies to restock, reinvest and redouble advert efforts. Shopper-inducement software is doing an even better job at tracking eye-movements in the highest crave aisles — it’s where the eye meets the meat, where the software captures consumer movements toward product and movement of product into the shopping cart.

Eye-movement tracking

Watch for even fatter profits in 2019, and who cares how we get there.

Thanks for reading.

Hot Dog! Meat is Life

Conventional wisdom is deeply rooted in falsehoods

In the land of the blind, the removal of eyes restores normality. H.G. Wells saw through that proverbial “one-eyed man is king” business in his short story “The Country of the Blind.” 

Warning: This article may offend non-vegan sensibilities. We suggest you click the back-arrow now. Yours truly, The Green Italicizers.

Meat is the stuff of conventional wisdom, it’s something ingested multiple times a day — from womb to tomb.  Consumers’ personal worth is measured in direct relation to the amount they consume.  Animal flesh, cookies and stolen from a calf milk, factory-farm-fresh eggs — just another addiction.

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Factory Farm Fresh Eggs — Family Friendly and Profitable

The process begins at conception and ends at death. Addicted babies suffer painful withdrawal when denied the substances that feed meat-molecule craving. Meat-addicted doctors remind their pregnant patients to stop smoking, avoid secondhand smoke, maintain a healthy diet, remember that you are eating for two during pregnancy.

Meat, milk and ova — there’s the ticket. Here’s a barker for you:

“Get your calcium, get your protein, get your strength from ova, milk and meat. Amusement park and state fair visitors delight in the craven horror of fair food and freak shows. It’s a family lifestyle for family folks, folks.”

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Major League Baseball Fare

 

No. It’s a diet recognized as essential by the medical community, your friends and relations, bright advertisements in waiting-room magazines, 24/7 on TV — you are hungry, you are very very hungry, go to the refrigerator and pantry. Our product is not there? Go to the supermarket for a food desert dessert.

Trillions of dollars and billions of jobs depend upon maintaining “the way it’s always been.” Meat, dairy, egg — do they appear on the Nutrition Facts label? Yes, along long walls, along long aisles. Human nature is natural, Bill.

Omnibus Food Bills subsidize junk food. Subsidies divert money from healthy fare to junk-ridden fast food. Those subsidies keep crappy edibles affordable for those at the bottom of the food-industrial-complex food chain, any way you slice it. Slice it thin. Pile it high. Double cheese, please.

Consumers of vegan products bring less to the GNP. Meaty fare makes for tons of profits and meaty bottom lines. Each consumer devotes a lifetime of service to those death industries. Wealth-management partners measure future income by the units successfully brought to slaughter. We get away with it, Mr. Bill. We get away with it.

70 billion units per annum (a mix of quadrupeds, bipeds and swimmers in schools) processed from fur to marrow to roe.

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A globally climate-warming picture of progress

Meat is what makes a holiday memorable. It’s what’s for dinner. If it’s been done for thousands of years it must be a grand truth and a holy sacrament. Believe!

Pass the butchering art down over many centuries until it’s accepted as societal norm and cultural treasure. Think dominion over animals, being created as a model of deity. We’re number one. USAUSAUSA (fine sausages).

Hot dog! Meat is life.

Thanks for reading.

Vegans Threaten World Order!

News Headline: Vegans Threaten World Order!

Warning. This post is rated VV — violently vegan. Not suitable for…?

We’re getting weary of your salad-eating-vegan fare , Bill. Let’s make something clear. Veganism is a form of terrorism, do you know what that makes you?

 

 

vegan_vs_meat_eater
from The Snow Fairy

Do vegans threaten world order? Yes. World order implies the preservation of disorder — something Mayor Richard Daley uttered in 1968 with a memorable tongue slip:

“The police are not here to create disorder, they’re here to preserve disorder.”

Seventy billion kills per year implies disorder, in my mind at least. More on this in a minute.

Time for a few statistics. There are three times as many homo sapiens alive today as there were in 1947, when I personally joined the fray. What about fellow sentient creatures in factory friendly slaughter houses? Well, they suffer short brutal lives, but let’s call it inventory turnover. Why? Because one specie values them for their flesh, fur and hide. Consumers love everything about them. A snapshot census for your statistical curiosity: seven billion of one specie consume seventy billion fellow sentient creatures, annually

We like fine Corinthian leather and we like the smell of bacon in the morning, jellied gasoline, while we’re at it (ha ha. We made a funny). Love it or leave it, my friend. Get with the program before we body-slam you.

“Smart leather fashions are arriving just in time for your busy Summer.”

Who gives the thumbs up or thumbs down? Private and personal shoppers in the marketplace do, aisle by aisle by aisle: does the nutrition label of that item you’re tossing into the shopping cart contain body parts or body-part byproducts? When the barcode is read a replenishment order automatically issues. Death by scan.

grill-sergeant-apron-outdoors

Celebrate your heritage by firing up the barbie and wearing a meaty heritage on your apron (the one with the funny soundbites).

Holidays here march on. They mark successive memories of war or metaphors for war. Remember Hamburger Hill while enjoying ground-bovines. Equate patriotic soundbites with a craving for cheeseburgers while you sit on a hill with buns around sizzling bovines and tubed slaughter of befouled fowl, cow and cowering pig. Call it a hot dog memory.

If you like the seventy million so much, why don’t you join them. I hear they’re hiring in Meatland, Misery, if you’re man enough. Capiche?

Thanks for reading.

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