Food Chain Toppers

Fifty years ago I taught climatology labs for first-year geography students. The department was fortunate enough to have a $1,000 Monroe electronic calculator that featured the same functionality as those in The Dollar Tree’s Electronics Department now. The Monroe couldn’t even calculate square roots. Fortunately, my slide rule could. Plate tectonics was still an outlier. On the other hand, science was not despised and broadly distrusted. 

But we’re living in more modern times, are we not? There were gullible people in 1969, Nixon moved into the White House. There are gullible people in 2018, Trump is still occupying the White House. Israel is still occupying Palestine. Racism is still alive and fell, still socially sanctioned.  

The Windshield Effect. Why are there no dead bugs on my windshield?

In 1969 your car windshield got badly bugged on the highway. If you did not regularly scrub the car’s grill, headlamps and radiator blades you would eventually regret it. Now I don’t even hear crickets when I enter a room.

“Entomologists also knew that climate change and the eventual destruction of global habitat are bad news for biodiversity in general and that insects are dealing with the particular challenges posed by herbicides and pesticides, along with the effects of losing meadows, forests and even weedy patches to the relentless expansion of human spaces.”

The Insect Apocalypse

Ecosystems are resilient, but so is that proverbial camel with one straw too many on her back.

Anthropocentrism threatens Planet Earth with an extinction event, appropriately known as the Anthropocene. Anthropospherians consider themselves above the brutish razor-thin line that evolution enforces effectively. A breakthrough a day keeps crises at bay.


“I saw something somewhere or other about how we might have to eat insects to get our protein. I don’t think I could do that myself, you know? Effing weird. Yuck”

Yuck, as in finding a hair in your food.

BizarroComics.Com


Meat is a socially sanctified addiction, but its addicts do not recognize the addictive aspect enough to go into detox. Animal husbandry is socially sanctified torture of live stock, performed by proxy at a supermarket.

Some Carnivoreseurs will eat animals that haven’t even died yet. Adventuresome Carnivoreseurs beam proudly at their adventuresome palates. Food Network stalwarts they are.

Serving twitching fish to patrons

Of course, it will bother you if you keep thinking about it. But is it enough to give thanks to the animal for donating their mortal souls to those with (presumably) eternal souls? In other words, it’s no big deal to kill for dietary purposes or because the animal simply tastes good.

Extreme eating is so cool, isn’t it? You’ve got to give it to them. Now, watch them closely as they wash down that writhing catch with some Effen Vodka. The fish will probably like the vodka too. Ha Ha. Very funny, Edgar.

The proper study of mankind I shall leave to possible extraterrestrial research teams. Science aficionados perhaps. 

Thanks for reading.